Oh, January. What a ridiculous month it has been. Returning to Thailand after a lovely visit home, I prepared myself for the worst. I knew last time I landed in Bangkok, I had an uneasy feeling I could not shake for a week. Despite my pessimism, I thoroughly enjoyed the beginning of the new year. I could possibly even say it was my highest of highs.
I started the year off with Charlie, in a junior suite of some fancy hotel, watching fireworks over the Chao Phraya River in Bangkok. I returned to site, anxious, but was met with hospitality comparable to my first visit to Chumphon. My relationship with my host sister did an one eighty, I had a new project underway, and felt more welcomed by the teachers at school.
I should have known it was coming. After a year here, it was to be expected. With the highest of highs, there needs to be the lowest of lows. And, boy, did I hit rock bottom.
Monday night was, by far, the worst I have felt during my Peace Corps service. After a few days in Vietnam, I was ready to get busy. I was ready to take on my second year in Thailand head on. Theresa-0, Thailand-904.
Once again, I let the rumors and gossip get the best of me. My host mother began a conversation over dinner Monday night that I knew would take a turn for the worst. She asked about school, how much I teach, etc. Being the sister of the assistant principal, I knew where the questioning was really from. Bluntly, I asked, "Do the teachers think I am lazy?" With a laugh, she nodded.
First thing, most Americans would not appreciate being called lazy. Just like we don't like being called fat. Secondly, I am a volunteer. The anger rushed through me so quickly.
We spent the rest of dinner talking about the uniqueness of my program, the lack of kindness one of my co-teachers shows me, and about the Thai educational system. This was the first time I spoke my mind with my host family- it felt real good. Trust me, what little backbone I had back in the States has diminished to nothing while in Thailand. Although, I may not have handled the situation in a Thai manner, it was an opportunity for them to see an American point of view.
Although the community may not see my face around much, the teachers do. Every day for eight hours. It hurt to hear that they think that way. Any relationship I thought I built with the teachers was fake. If they truly cared about my happiness in Thailand, they would take into consideration how much I do try. Like every other volunteer here dedicating their time to Thailand. By the end of my service, I know I would have began more projects than finished. Nevertheless, the point is that I tried.
Monday night was a long one. Charlie and my good friend, Ina, did their best to help me through it. I have never felt so much anger, bitterness and sadness all mixed into one. I felt useless and used all at the same time. I realized my little girl dream still has not come true.
I hope that night will remain my lowest of lows. But, once again, my naivety is getting in the way. The next day, following Charlie's advice, I made a Powerpoint for my assistant principal [Thais love things like that]. The powerpoint included six slides; my accomplishments, teaching difficulties, working with my co-teachers, travel plans and future projects. It felt good to defend myself. To bring a part of me back.
The meeting went well as well as the rest of the week. My theater group will be attending the Peace Corps Youth Theater Festival this weekend to preform their rendition of "Cinderella." Some of the students have never even left their province. I began a fitness group that meets four times a week to learn yoga, kickboxing and plyometrics. Honestly, nothing beats watching eight old women punching and kicking to ACDC "You Shook Me All Night Long."
Monday night may have shaken me up a bit. Nevertheless, I am still here and kicking! Bring it on, 2013.
I started the year off with Charlie, in a junior suite of some fancy hotel, watching fireworks over the Chao Phraya River in Bangkok. I returned to site, anxious, but was met with hospitality comparable to my first visit to Chumphon. My relationship with my host sister did an one eighty, I had a new project underway, and felt more welcomed by the teachers at school.
I should have known it was coming. After a year here, it was to be expected. With the highest of highs, there needs to be the lowest of lows. And, boy, did I hit rock bottom.
Monday night was, by far, the worst I have felt during my Peace Corps service. After a few days in Vietnam, I was ready to get busy. I was ready to take on my second year in Thailand head on. Theresa-0, Thailand-904.
Once again, I let the rumors and gossip get the best of me. My host mother began a conversation over dinner Monday night that I knew would take a turn for the worst. She asked about school, how much I teach, etc. Being the sister of the assistant principal, I knew where the questioning was really from. Bluntly, I asked, "Do the teachers think I am lazy?" With a laugh, she nodded.
First thing, most Americans would not appreciate being called lazy. Just like we don't like being called fat. Secondly, I am a volunteer. The anger rushed through me so quickly.
We spent the rest of dinner talking about the uniqueness of my program, the lack of kindness one of my co-teachers shows me, and about the Thai educational system. This was the first time I spoke my mind with my host family- it felt real good. Trust me, what little backbone I had back in the States has diminished to nothing while in Thailand. Although, I may not have handled the situation in a Thai manner, it was an opportunity for them to see an American point of view.
Although the community may not see my face around much, the teachers do. Every day for eight hours. It hurt to hear that they think that way. Any relationship I thought I built with the teachers was fake. If they truly cared about my happiness in Thailand, they would take into consideration how much I do try. Like every other volunteer here dedicating their time to Thailand. By the end of my service, I know I would have began more projects than finished. Nevertheless, the point is that I tried.
Monday night was a long one. Charlie and my good friend, Ina, did their best to help me through it. I have never felt so much anger, bitterness and sadness all mixed into one. I felt useless and used all at the same time. I realized my little girl dream still has not come true.
I hope that night will remain my lowest of lows. But, once again, my naivety is getting in the way. The next day, following Charlie's advice, I made a Powerpoint for my assistant principal [Thais love things like that]. The powerpoint included six slides; my accomplishments, teaching difficulties, working with my co-teachers, travel plans and future projects. It felt good to defend myself. To bring a part of me back.
The meeting went well as well as the rest of the week. My theater group will be attending the Peace Corps Youth Theater Festival this weekend to preform their rendition of "Cinderella." Some of the students have never even left their province. I began a fitness group that meets four times a week to learn yoga, kickboxing and plyometrics. Honestly, nothing beats watching eight old women punching and kicking to ACDC "You Shook Me All Night Long."
Monday night may have shaken me up a bit. Nevertheless, I am still here and kicking! Bring it on, 2013.
:)
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