My PB&J failed me.

Today was just one of those days. I must have been overdue. It started off with quite an emotionally draining morning and then continued into a long, drawn out day of nothing. As I arrived to school in the morning, the students were leaving. My friend and I had no clue where they could possibly be going. Nonetheless, this was not out of the ordinary. Fifth to ninth grade spent the entire day taking a religion test at another local school. Which left me with no co-teachers to work with and no students to teach. Gosh, I wish I remembered my Kindle today. 

The afternoon made me feel just as discouraged. Days like these do come few and far between. But, when they do come, all the suppressed emotions, the numerous times I bit my tongue, they all come rushing back. Not even my peanut butter and jelly sandwich could cheer me up. I just sat. And thought. I thought about my role here, whether or not my days "pinning" things on Pinterest or crafting using toilet paper rolls are really useful. Or, if  my co-teacher will ever agree with me after the countless times I have tried to convince her that the students need to be involved to learn. I thought about the thousands of confusing, indirect conversations I have had since coming to Chumphon. It is hard to feel helpful when, most of the time, I am sure my co-workers think I do absolutely nothing. 

Just one of those days when I question why I am here, what else can I be doing and is this what I really want. One of those days when my workout can't even clear my mind. 

But, I realized what my day was missing. What makes me feel comfortable every day at school. What makes me laugh during break time, or even while I am lesson planning. The students.

And just like that, just like she knew, my student, Nong Fai, called me. "Good morning, Pii Tess!…oh, uh... Good evening!" Gosh, that was all I needed! We did the casual exchange, How are you? What are you doing? She called to tell me she missed me today and that the English homework was hard [I have no clue what worksheet my co-teacher snuck behind my back]. She wanted to see when we would practice Cinderella again. She asked if I ate dinner yet and then told me she would see me tomorrow. 

Just like that, I was smiling and looking forward to seeing her tomorrow. Looking forward to see all of the students tomorrow. The high fives from the kindergarteners in the morning, the what's up from my high school kids and my troop of five girls, Fai, Sa, Feem, Bam and Nai, that follow me around everywhere. 

If it were not for my students, I do not know if I would still be here.