First public breakdown- it was inevitable.
Thursday and Friday were two of my most memorable days in Thailand. Not because of my breakdown, however. Ironically, they were two of my most productive days. Students completed their mid year exams on Wednesday and spend Thursday and Friday hanging around school while teachers completed their enormous amounts of paperwork. I took this opportunity to work on two of my upcoming projects- my English Camp and Thai Youth Theatre.
My English camp will be held next Thursday and Friday. Four schools will be attending a two day, one night camp filled with activities about ASEAN. The past week I have spent tying up some loose ends and involving students in the preparations.
My second project, Thai Youth Theatre, is an drama club I began at my school based off a Peace Corps instated project. Students have met once a week since July in order to prepare the play, "Cinderella," (in English) to present during the TYT Camp held in January. They will be having their first performance at the English camp.
I was thrilled to have the time to work with the students all day, considering most of September classes were canceled for various "activities." I enjoyed being myself around the students as well as the feeling of being useful. The students were enjoying picking outfits for the play, trying different hairstyles and coordinating dances as well as preparing to be "teacher helpers" at the English camp.
Nonetheless, Friday afternoon began on a sour note. During lunch, my co-teacher, a good friend of mine at school, explained that a community member (or multiple, I am not sure) felt that I was not doing anything in the village. My immediate reaction- to cry. I felt an enormous amount of frustration at that point and could not control my emotions. I left the cafeteria through the back entrance, through bushes and garbage, to avoid more witnesses of my breakdown.
My co-teacher met me in the library and I could see immediate regret in her face. She began to talk to me about the situation and I began my rant. How could they think I do not do anything? I try my best to be a member of the village, to help, to be respectful. Do they not realize that living in a different country is a daily challenge? That I can not see my family when I would like? I spend most of my day doing work for school whenever possible. I was frustrated, disappointed, embarrassed, and defeated.
One of my biggest challenges living in my village has been the constant comparison between me and the previous volunteer. A volunteer lived three houses down from me and finished her Peace Corps service in March. She still currently lives in Thailand and has visited a few times after her departure. Considering we both have brown curly hair and are Italian, Thais have a hard time differentiating between us. I get called Nikki at least a couple times a week.
Nikki was a Community Deveoplment Volunteer. She spent her days attending community events, working at the community government building and implementing community projects to better the village. She was constantly interacting with the members of community whereas I am constantly interacting with the students and teachers at Chumchon Ban Talasup School. I am required to be at school four days a week. In addition to teaching, most of my projects are implemented at school.
My co-teacher and I discussed the differences between Nikki and I's role in the community. We agreed that people will always criticize. She shared her experiences with negative criticisms from the community. She has felt similar to me as well as cried in the very place I was sitting. She was very supportive and I appreciated to know that someone understood.
With all of that aside, I continued with my day. As I was completing my work, a student asked me to go to the library without any particular reason. When I opened the door, I saw the Prince and Cinderella dressed in their costumes and practicing their grand dance. I immediately felt relieved- I am doing something here. I am having an impact. Not everyone will appreciate what I am doing and I can not always expect everyone to give me a pat on the back. I need to be confident in my own abilities. I am here for the students- to be their friend, to motivate them, to have fun with them. I am not here to make everyone happy- that is just impossible.
Just a typical day in Thailand-frustration and pure joy within one single hour.
Thursday and Friday were two of my most memorable days in Thailand. Not because of my breakdown, however. Ironically, they were two of my most productive days. Students completed their mid year exams on Wednesday and spend Thursday and Friday hanging around school while teachers completed their enormous amounts of paperwork. I took this opportunity to work on two of my upcoming projects- my English Camp and Thai Youth Theatre.
My English camp will be held next Thursday and Friday. Four schools will be attending a two day, one night camp filled with activities about ASEAN. The past week I have spent tying up some loose ends and involving students in the preparations.
My second project, Thai Youth Theatre, is an drama club I began at my school based off a Peace Corps instated project. Students have met once a week since July in order to prepare the play, "Cinderella," (in English) to present during the TYT Camp held in January. They will be having their first performance at the English camp.
I was thrilled to have the time to work with the students all day, considering most of September classes were canceled for various "activities." I enjoyed being myself around the students as well as the feeling of being useful. The students were enjoying picking outfits for the play, trying different hairstyles and coordinating dances as well as preparing to be "teacher helpers" at the English camp.
Nonetheless, Friday afternoon began on a sour note. During lunch, my co-teacher, a good friend of mine at school, explained that a community member (or multiple, I am not sure) felt that I was not doing anything in the village. My immediate reaction- to cry. I felt an enormous amount of frustration at that point and could not control my emotions. I left the cafeteria through the back entrance, through bushes and garbage, to avoid more witnesses of my breakdown.
My co-teacher met me in the library and I could see immediate regret in her face. She began to talk to me about the situation and I began my rant. How could they think I do not do anything? I try my best to be a member of the village, to help, to be respectful. Do they not realize that living in a different country is a daily challenge? That I can not see my family when I would like? I spend most of my day doing work for school whenever possible. I was frustrated, disappointed, embarrassed, and defeated.
One of my biggest challenges living in my village has been the constant comparison between me and the previous volunteer. A volunteer lived three houses down from me and finished her Peace Corps service in March. She still currently lives in Thailand and has visited a few times after her departure. Considering we both have brown curly hair and are Italian, Thais have a hard time differentiating between us. I get called Nikki at least a couple times a week.
Nikki was a Community Deveoplment Volunteer. She spent her days attending community events, working at the community government building and implementing community projects to better the village. She was constantly interacting with the members of community whereas I am constantly interacting with the students and teachers at Chumchon Ban Talasup School. I am required to be at school four days a week. In addition to teaching, most of my projects are implemented at school.
My co-teacher and I discussed the differences between Nikki and I's role in the community. We agreed that people will always criticize. She shared her experiences with negative criticisms from the community. She has felt similar to me as well as cried in the very place I was sitting. She was very supportive and I appreciated to know that someone understood.
With all of that aside, I continued with my day. As I was completing my work, a student asked me to go to the library without any particular reason. When I opened the door, I saw the Prince and Cinderella dressed in their costumes and practicing their grand dance. I immediately felt relieved- I am doing something here. I am having an impact. Not everyone will appreciate what I am doing and I can not always expect everyone to give me a pat on the back. I need to be confident in my own abilities. I am here for the students- to be their friend, to motivate them, to have fun with them. I am not here to make everyone happy- that is just impossible.
Just a typical day in Thailand-frustration and pure joy within one single hour.
Girl, you keep doing what you're doing! You are doing such an amazing job and contributing SO much to your community, even though it may be in a different capacity than the previous girl. They don't know how lucky they are to have you!
ReplyDeleteomgosh theresa you are making a difference! You are doing so much good. Taking yourslef away from everything you've known to help others. Like you saidn not everyone is going to recognize everything you do but you will know by the smiles and growth of the children that you are making one of the biggest impacts on their life :) Be strong and well!! -- Aly
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work, you're doing an amazing job over at site <3
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